why i absolutely hate virginia drummond.
hehe.
yeah.
let's start with the timeline.
hi. i'm luke moody.
2015 - i am 21. i leave home on my birthday. i go to boulder to work in a recycling plant and attempt to go to college?
2016 - i am in san francisco. i attempt suicide.
2017 - i am in san francisco. i black out. i am spun out most of the year. i was ninjadosed on acid by dirty kids in buena vista park.
2018 - i am in san francisco. i am hearing voices.
2019 - for the first time, i leave san francisco to go to the rainbow gathering. in eugene, i get sent home. my mom disowns me and sends me back. my case manager, who is about the only person who cares about me and will vouch for my character, gets me the SRO that i lived at when i order virginia's book.
2020 - i stop hearing voices as much. i decide after all that i am free to travel, i know who i am and i'm not a stalker, and i travel to portland in february and LA in july. i return to the internet, art, and twitter. ruben appears on twitter, racefaking and lying about their age, and scares me. i spend a while trying to call both of them out.
2021 - virginia starts using their platform to begin ostracizing me again. talking about a stalker and publicizing messages i sent when i was in a breakdown.
why did i order the book?
i was lonely. i remembered ruben. i knew ruben and virginia were hanging out, and i wanted to cry, because i never got to get my feelings out and nobody in my real life really knew what was weighing on my heart. it was the streets, and everyone i knew was focused on their own business. i barely trusted any of them. i wanted to travel to cry, to be alone with my feelings, but i couldn't because i felt hurt by being called a stalker and i was scared what would happen if i did anything that appeared stalkerish. when i saw the picture of ruben, i cried.
are you seeing why i'm pissed yet?
this was incredibly unfair to me. to call me entitled or a stalker was not only so privileged, but so insidious and heartless. i was missing my friend.
when i learned that virginia lived in california, i was actually scared because of their previous actions toward me. along with ruben, they were incredibly cold and controlling. i knew that they wanted to control my life and future, and (i felt, maybe i'm delusional!) they reveled in the ability to have ruben's attention and be cared for when i was out in the cold, by ruben and their "friends in the art community".
why did i move to california?
i am from a very rural small town in colorado where i was being sexually and emotionally abused. i didn't tell anyone or ask for help because i needed to maintain my image. when someone from outside befriended me and invited me into their life(ruben), even though we stopped being friends, it changed my perspective. i felt hopeful and started out on the road. i fell in with dirty kids along the way and found my way to sf. i tried to stay in sf, so i wouldn't run into ruben where they live, which was in oregon. the timeline applies.
here is an image from ruben's blog that i believe describes how they feel about me
i find this incredibly scary and disturbing, and i do not want anything to do with anyone who feels this way about me. ruben(grubsauce.tumblr.com) nor virginia(pitzips.tumblr.com) have anything to fear from me. i want both of them as far away from me as possible. i am scared, and i still feel flashbacks to the time when i was friendly towards these people. it's hard for me right now. i am getting flashes of anger as i deal with the contradictions within my feelings. i spent all of those years above feeling guilty and ashamed to feel any of what i just shared at all, so this is an important step for me in the recovery process.
why do i hate virginia drummond?
they're abusing me.