should i distill my strength into a potion
how can i explain the strength i have to hold?
a truscum strength potion for everyone who needs it.
you must be endlessly resilient and adaptable. if you are born in a small town, you will have to educate your peers. you cannot do anything that endangers yourself. since you cannot afford to be queer, and you also cannot afford to be so traumatized that you can't fight, you must adapt yourself to be palatable to the people you depend on. because you are in a small town and you must provide a well rounded trans education to your community, because you cannot be aggressively trans and you have no safety in numbers, you must empathize and adapt to what is around you. because no one around you is what they call educated, you cannot explain yourself in confusing terms. because you are in a small town, you are truscum. because you are truscum, no one listens to you. no one thinks of you. no one wants you. no one loves you. no one takes you seriously. you cannot experience joy or love. it's better not to think of love, not think of what other people are experiencing, not to face them, not to be greeted with their ease, because it hurts you. it burns you to see their healing. it hurts you so much that you scream and cry and cut and starve and reach out for help with an ugly, twisted hand. if they see you, your ugly, small little efforts to make a life for yourself, they will destroy you because you are imperfect. your small start isn't necessary. you are an ant under a magnifying glass. this culture isn't made for you. if they see you, they will destroy you because you are ugly. you are polluting the meme pool. you cannot be allowed to exist in public life. if people were allowed to see your love, your validation, everything you were always worth, we would have to face our accountability. we would have to face our hatred, our failure. so you must stay down. you must be the scapegoat. you must stay in hell, little demon. we can't have you stalking our cities. we can't have you telling our story. our love is perfect, end of story. anyone we destroyed, mocked, tortured to death, well, they deserved it. they were polluting our cities.
you know exactly what you cannot do. you cannot love anything that we love. you must stay silent. you cannot be seen. if you are seen, the enemy will strike you down. you must look something like the enemy. the enemy must be your friend. if you take love from the enemy you must take it with guilt. you are not supposed to be poor, you are not supposed to be gay, you cannot be poor and gay at the same time. it is a contradiction. and most of all you cannot be trans and poor. trans people aren't poor, poor people aren't trans. but i am trans. i am crossing the boundaries. the people i can connect with cannot see me, but i am working for them.
people cannot see my suffering, and that is why they lack compassion.